Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The next few days passed slowly for K. Jirstan. Lord Fuzzy was in no hurry to carry out his plans, whatever they were, and our heroine slowly began to lose hope for escape.

One dark night, when all was still, K. Jirstan found herself in tears. She missed her sister. She missed Staura. She missed her old life. She missed her shoes. Just as she began to miss her sanity, a light appeared in the corner of her cell. ‘What the hell?’ thought the princess charmingly.

As the light grew brighter, it began to take on the form of a small, sprightly, yet somehow still masculine fairy.

“Do not be alarmed. My name is Walker Texas Crainger, but you can call me Twinkle Butt,” said the sparkly pink being.

“Hello, Twinkle Butt. Have you come to rescue me?” asked K. Jirstan.

“Unfortunately, my powers are weak in the presence of Lord Fuzzy,” sighed Twinkle Butt. “I can, however, offer you three fishes.”

“Fish?!?” asked K. Jirstan. “How is that going to help?”

“Be patient, princess. You may find that these gifts will help you to overthrow your enemy,” smiled Twinkle Butt, albeit a little creepily.

He drew forth a golden fish on a chain.

“This is the Carp of Loyalty. When you wear this around your neck, you will know friend from foe.”

“Oh, Twinkle Butt! Thank you so much! Now I will never be fooled by heartless musical half naked stable boys again!” exclaimed the princess.

Next, Twinkle Butt displayed the Sprat of Transfiguration.

“This fish can change into any item in the universe,” explained the fairy.

“Awesome!”

“Not so fast—the sprat can only hold its form for exactly five seconds, and it cannot repeat forms. I already tried to turn it into the key for your lock, but I dropped it accidentally, and it was too late,” he said.

‘Stupid Twinkle Butt,’ she thought, but outwardly she was the queen of class. (She also thought, 'Isn't that a bit convenient for this plot line?' but the author deleted this upon editing.)

“Finally, I present to you this sardine,” said Twinkle Butt.

“The sardine of what?”

“Nothing. I just thought you might need a snackie after being cooped up in here all day,” explained the fairy.

‘Other girls get a fairy godmother, but I get this guy? Great,’ thought K. Jirstan sadly. She thanked Twinkle Butt for his three fishes, and then he went on his way.

At that exact moment—that one exactly, not one sort of close to it and I'm lying for dramatic emphasis, but that one moment—Lord Fuzzy entered.

“Bad Guy,” whispered the Carp of Loyalty.

“Thanks, I think I figured that out,” said K. Jirstan.

“It is time!” thundered Lord Fuzzy. “I have spent the last few days getting my affairs in order, and now I am finally ready!! Muahahahaha!!”

“You cannot intimidate me with your pitiful excuse for evil laughter!” said K. Jirstan bravely.

“Cute,” sneered Lord Fuzzy. “You seem courageous now, but I have yet to reveal my super secret accomplice.” He waved a furry paw towards the entrance of the cave.

Suddenly, K. Jirstan gasped. For the figure that was now silhouetted in the doorway was feared throughout all the lands in the kingdom. Her reputation spread through dark rumors of a cold, ruthless evil. No one who had ever crossed her survived. For the first time since her kidnapping, K. Jirstan felt a flutter of apprehension as none other than Staylor Aniforth stepped into the light.

She looked into K. Jirstan’s eyes and smiled: “All hope is lost.”